Almost made it

There comes a time in every poet’s life

when they realize what kind of poet they really are,

and I…

am a heartbreak poet.

I don’t know how this happened,

But my emotions can be seen from space.

I have the ability to articulate an emphasis on the description of my feelings

like I was taking a highlighter to smiles and tears.

Half the time when I’m on stage

it’s only because my feelings got hurt

and I wanted everyone to know,

not only that,

but I want to take you all down with me,

I’m that drowning asshole grabbing peoples ankles on the way down.

So this is a letter to one of my ex-girlfriends.

 

We became what I never thought we would become,

but for a while

it was like we couldn’t get our hands on enough paint

to cover the canvas at our feet.

When we met,

you were more like a road map torn in half

and I was a GPS speaking a broken language.

Everywhere we went,

we left behind the people giving us guidance.

It was as if the creases in our directions

wanted our imperfections to match each other,

to meet each other half-way

so we started touching each other a little differently,

we began reading it in each others skin

like homemade tattoos,

or bedroom back scratches of nameless acts.

I liked you so much

that I wanted to delete my browsing history

before I invited you over.

But I respected you so much that I didn’t,

and I just left it like an open window,

you made me fearless when it came what turned me on.

I don’t know if this is a misogynist poem, or not,

but I still want to call you mine.

I can deal with being alone,

just not both of us being alone at the same time.

Because you were the answer I was looking for

and I was a reason for you to stay behind,

just to keep your mind busy,

this perfect distraction,

just tall enough to keep you from seeing

what was waiting for you,

until we became more comfortable

with telling each other about our days than actually sharing them.

 

You were the hand written letters

lost in a stack of memories.

I was the envelope

that cut the corners of your mouth open

when all I wanted to do was kiss you.

Now,

I have written the first half

of too many emails to remember.

You became the price tag of my future

I wound up being more like the receipt of your past.

We left each other buried

in my wallet and your purse,

beneath other people’s pictures,

beside transit passes and

behind all the things we used more often than each other.

I think at some point trying to keep things playful,

we only started playing games with each other,

like hide and seek

became the way we moved through the room.

Speaking only through notes on walls

and tagged pictures online.

In our minds

we created an impossible future for us,

one so disgustingly romantic

it kicked the shit out of the Notebook

in a Pulp Fiction kind of way.

 

I don’t know

if you believe me when I say I’m sorry,

but I mean it.

Like when I was mean to you

for no other reason than to get your attention.

I meant it.

But I just wanted to be your dirt,

that rough filth scratching you clean,

caught beneath you fingernails

after such long days

of building these sandcastle housing projects together.

I’m not even with you anymore,

but I still toy with the idea

of letting you go

and I still keep the pictures you gave me,

but I haven’t looked at them in a long time,

they’re somewhere in the distance,

kept at bay,

stacked in a folder,

tucked into a bag and

locked in an empty room.

 

 

           

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About Sean O'Gorman

Spoken Word poet from Ottawa. View all posts by Sean O'Gorman

5 responses to “Almost made it

  • victoriasaid

    I was so glad to hear you recite this poem tonight at Words to Live By, it’s my favourite one of yours that first got me hooked on your blog, please keep writing in Korea 🙂

  • Rise above

    Yes, we may be cut from the same cloth my friend.

    “we created an impossible future for us,

    one so disgustingly romantic

    it kicked the shit out of the Notebook

    in a Pulp Fiction kind of way.”

    • Sean O'Gorman

      glad you liked it bro.
      Hope you’ve been well these days.

      • Rise above

        I’ve been well, lots of changes and have been trying to make as many turns in life as possible. You?

        Why can’t I find any info on your live dates? I know you said you may be coming to Toronto. I also have a few days off coming up this month (week of the 24th) if you’re on stage in Ottawa, let me know.

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