Tag Archives: myself

A self-taught learning curve

I’m split into ratios,
like percentages could explain
something more about myself
but there’s always more to the equation,
more to the facts
as if I still
don’t even know myself yet.


Sought After Sight

I wonder if anyone really sees me,

if anyone actually knows where I’m coming from

or where I’m going.

I only ask because I’ve lost myself

and all the questions

that still deserve answers

are all waiting beyond my reach.


Last thought forgotten

I’m wasting space all around me,

allowing myself to simply linger

along the dotted line

like the coke lines at the next table.

Here and now,

I’m sinking into myself,

by myself,

having one-sided conversations

where there is no asking for advice

and the only shoulder there is strains my neck.

This is a rumble of spare parts

where skin stretches

and splits if you’re not careful

and I’m never mindful

when it comes to these landfills of suspicion

where recognition comes at a cost

and a whisper could destroy everything.

Life lands us in a cycle of days

where the same things are done

and the gestures we collect

are left in the back of our minds

until the stink of the person next to you

brings it all back for another turn.

 


Answers

Answer like you at least believed the question,
so that someone might just mention
that an explanation
was all they ever needed.
Answer for another question.
Answer for a better lesson,
for something that might cause something else
and for something that might be worthy of a pulse.
Because I can hear different words being used,
like we were acting so abused,
walking on egg shells
and dancing around the things we were trying to say
and it all becomes a game that we too often play
where the words we use
are either slipping out or sneaking in,
like we were dipping out
just to break back in.
And I can see some of the things I hear,
like when you can taste scents in the air
that can travel past an arm’s reach
just to breach the wall of comfort.
So answer like you owed something to yourself,
like you knew where the words were taking you
and those relations weren’t faking truth.
Because we need to give more than just our opinions,
leave behind fingers
when you shake hands,
leave behind options when you shake the sands
beneath beaches of popular opinion.

Answer like you were
committing those opinions to paper
and not just the air around you
because it’s time for new times,
because the restless have started sinking
and all the flashing lights have kept eyes too busy blinking
so it’s time.
It’s time for us all to wake up and feed
something other than our bodies
because more often than not
we are decomposing mentally
before physically
and actually, I’ve become distressed,
or better yet
I’ve become obsessed
with finding ways to regress back
to a time when I wasn’t this…
sick.
Because I feel my waters can never be cleaned
just from the things I’ve seen,
because I’ve seen people bleed,
I’ve seen those in need
and I’ve seen those in need
begin to feed off themselves
and I’ve seen you roll your eyes
like I’ve seen you bite your nails
and I’ve seen myself lose sight
like I’ve seen myself grow pale
over winters that could eat you alive.

So answer like it were time for us to take this back
and show that we’ve been keeping track
of the families turned homeless
and the rest still deemed as hopeless,
of the broken promises,
the unmade compromises,
the lies masked as media
and that feeling of utopia.
And of the ignored known symptoms
that no longer mend once they’ve learned to break
and of the ignored rape victims
who’s stitches loosen with the steps they take.
You can feel it in the air
and with every breath you take,
you can feel it when you stare
at what other people make.
It’s out there,
and it is a way of thinking that has survived
it’s creator’s death,
so keep in mind we’re all just placing bets,
keep in mind we won’t always want what we get,
but most of all remember
we still have blisters yet to set
and there will never be a time
when forgetting’s not a threat.